I was looking at some quotes today so I figured I'd post some here, although I doubt anyone reads my entries. But by chance, I hope you like these as much as I did.
"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” -- Ashley Smith
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” --Howard Thurman
“I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.”
"And finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be, if there weren't any other people living in the world.”
So I'm watching Pearl Harbor and falling in love with Josh Hartnett all over again, haha. And it makes me want my own Danny and one who perferably doesn't die trying to attack the Japanese, thanks.
i can't sleep, my mind is running a mile a minute.
i did one of those 25 things on my real account
& as i was going to tag people
i came to the painful reality that i have like no friends.
now whether that is my own fault or not,
it's still up for discussion.
i graduated in a class of 255 kids,
want to know how many of them i talk to on a regular basis?
some of the kids i graduated with i have gone to school with since kindergarten,
but want to know the only time that can be bothered to talk to me?
when i got sick with mono this summer
& was having a hard time coming to terms with my choice to take some time off of school.
that was the only fricken time that have really talked to me since i graduated.
it's nice to know that they were worried about how i was doing & was wondering how i was feeling,
but is it that hard to show the same interest any othertime?
maybe it is my own fault.
i tend to shut people out a lot,
i don't really mean to do it on person.
i just have a hard time confiding in people
& telling them how i feel and all that crap.
alot of is what i call my irrational fears and irrational way of thinking.
for as far as i can remember,
i've always been kind of closed
not wanting to tell people my problems.
to me, me telling them how i feel or what my problems are
is putting a lot of burden and unwanted feelings on them
that i feel like they shouldn't have to deal with.
and thats totally irrational thinking on my part,
i have come to realize this.
that's what friends are there for,
for you to talk to and share your thoughts or feelings with,
but i just feel like that's something they shouldn't have to deal with.
yes i have come to realize how ridiculous that all sounds
but i can't seem to let go of this thought process.
i guess because of this
people get the feeling that i don't care,
but i care a lot more then they could ever imagine.
i'm a really emotional person
& things effect me way more then people realize.
in a group of people i may not say alot and come off as standoffish,
truth is i probably don't really have much to say
and i'm much more comfortable just sitting back and watching everything,
you can learn a lot about people from just observations
and you take in a lot more.
and then i find it funny when i say something
and they ask me how i know that
and it comes from observing things,
you learn peoples tendancies and their schedules and things like that
and because of this i get called a creeper and things like that,
and it just pisses me off.
i can't help it if i observe all of this and i remember it,
it just my way of doing things.
and i just said 'and' awhole bunch of times
and got off point,
but that's what i do best. rambling.
one of my theories about all of that ^^^,
is the fact that i am an only child
and had like one bestfriend growing up who actually lived close to me.
that's what you get for living in rural pennsylvania.
but i grew up spending a lot of time by myself,
my parents found watching tv on the weekends more appealing
then playing games with their daughter.
you would think they would want to spend time with me
especially since i was born six weeks premature,
the doctor told my parents that i would probably be mentally handicapped & never learn how to read.
well i knew how to read before my sixth birthday,
i taught myself how to multiply, divide, & to write in cursive.
anyways back to the topic,
so i spent a lot of my childhood playing by myself
& learning how to entertain myself.
and i think from that is where i got the idea
that to talk to other people & share how i'm feeling,
especially when my mind isn't in a good place,
would be a burden to them and i didn't want to just dump my problems on them.
some people hate being alone,
they crave the presence of other people.
i on the other hand,
would much rather spend time by myself 9 times out of 10.
but then i turn into a hypocrite
and say one of my worse fears in life
is that i am always going to be alone,
when in fact the reason i am alone in the first place
is a result of my own dealings. *sigh*
and it doesn't help when most of your 'friends'
are all in really serious relationships,
many of them practically engaged now.
crazy i know, we're only 19/20 years old.
but seeing how happy they aren't
only brings out those questions everyone has,
will i ever meet mr. right? if so, when?
and everything that comes with that.
which brings me to another fear of mine,
never find my one true love,
as cliche as that is,
that's all i want in life.
to find my soul mate and live happily ever after.
maybe i've seen to many disney movies, i dont know.
i want the type of relationship my grandparents have,
i dont think i've seen two people more in love.
they got married on christmas eve,
isn't that the cutest thing ever?
they've gone through hell and back
but are still going stronger then ever.
my grandmother has alzheimers
and i can see the pain it causes my grandfather
and the way he looks at her sometimes is painful,
you can see how much he loves her in his eyes
and to see her slowly almost becoming someone else
is killing him.
it has me crying just writing this.
i have yet to have that feeling of absolute, complete happiness.
i just want to be completely happy,
whether that is even possible i don't know,
but i sure as hell want to try to achieve.
most of the time i feel just content,
like im okay with where i am in life,
things are terrible, but they arent amazing either.
i know there's more to life out there,
that there is happiness somewhere out there,
i just have to get out there and start being productive
and to stop settling for things,
when i could have greater things in life
if i just worked for it.
i know what a lot of my faults are
and i tend to pick out what i see wrong in myself
out in other people.
did that make sense?
like i see what's wrong with me in other people,
and i found those traits in people
so i can just imagine what people think of me.
and that's another problem,
i care wayyy too much what other people think of me,
i tell people that i dont care what they think,
but deep down i really do.
and in the long run, that only hurts me.
i always feel like im not pretty enough, or skinny enough,
that no matter what i wear it looks horrible,
and that my hair never looks good.
that all stems from having low selfesteem,
which i am trying to work on,
but it's a lot harder then it seems.
having wrote all this out,
i have come to the conclusion that i have some serious issues
that i need to work on and figure out.
and if anyone actually read through all of that,
i applaud you.
i don't know if i could have done the same.
and i'm sorry if i ddn't make much since
and became like the biggest hypocrite ever,
i tend to think this of myself,
whether that's true or not, who knows.
Also, thanks to mr. joseph jonas i can't stop listening to
'I Only See You' by Benton Paul, check it out its pretty amazing,
i've listened to it an unhealthy amounts of time.
Also, i just discovered 'Wish You Were' by Kate Voegele,
another amazing song i can't get enough of.
who I wanna be still seems so far away
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
--gonna get there someday by dierks bentley
- Location:my room
- Music:voice on the radio - marie digby
holy cow, i havent update in like forever. not like much is going on in my life. i have just over a month until i go back to school, i never thought i'd be this excited to go back to jwu but i am. mostly just because i have been basically doing absolutetly nothing with my life, i thought i had a tutoring job but after week i didn't hear anything from them. so i've been home since september with no job. no job=no money, that sucks hard core.
i typed that part ^^^ like an hour ago, i kept getting distracted by one tree hill & then this by this site that has a whole bunch of mp3's that you can download. yay for new music!! i also posted two videos on my youtube account, im still working on a jonas one but i'm hoping to have that up in a couple weeks. here's the link to my youtube channel if you're interested http://www.youtube.com/user/MaskOfEmotions
Yeah so i basically lead a very boring life but it leaves lots of time to read fanfictions, which i do a lot of. i don't know there's just something about getting lost in someone else's story.
I've also spent a lot of time this past week on the jonas brothers new fan family experience (FFE) site trying to rack up the personal impact points, but i dont have anyone to invite & i'm not going to make up bogus emails just to get the points. so i am now stuck on 78 and can't seem to pass that number, yet some members have over 2,000. oh well.
Andy Pettitte is back in pinstripes and i couldn't be any happier, now if only Moose would come back. I have now lost some respect for Joe Torre, never in my life would i ever expect him to resort to that level, i am very disappointed in him =[
The Orlando Magic are doing really good right now, they had the best record in the league but then lost a couple games in a row there, but they took it to Lebron & Detriot yesterday, so all is good. Awhile back JJ even saw some significant playing time and had been playing well, but now Pietrus is back and it looks like JJ has gone back to being more of spectator than a player again =[
Duke sat at #1
on the polls this week, first time since the 05-06 season and i couldn't be happier. But heart was left broken after the way the Wake Forest game ended and that's all I'm going to say about that, it still stings.
Andy Roddick had an amazing run this year at the Australian Open, i haven't seen him play this well in a really long time. A lot of people were doubtful of how he would perform and what losing 15 lbs would do to his stamina, but i think he proved to them that it only made him better. I was unable to watch the Federer match, but to only lose the last two sets with the score of 7-5 each is a lot better improvement of when he played him two years at the AO. Hopefully he can keep up the awesome play and that the clay treats him good this year.
I think that's enough for right now, hopefully it'll be sooner than 11 weeks before i update again.
Btw, i also have a twitter if you want to check me out there. http://twitter.com/xstephanieee
Also, thanks to mr. joseph jonas i can't stop listening to 'I Only See You' by Benton Paul, check it out its pretty amazing. And check out Joe's version of Free Fallin', it's amazing as well. *sigh*
Fearless is not the absence of fear, it's not being completely unafraid.
To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshman year at high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again. Even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's fearless to have faith that some day things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's fearless to stop believing them. It's fearless to say 'You're not sorry,' and walk away. I think loving someone despite what other people say is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then moving on and being alright, that's fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.
...and to all the boys who inspired this album, you had fair warning.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
July 7, 2004
As I decide to fulfill my life's strategy
The devil insists on trying to battle me
I meet him in an empty field on the high plains
He throws temptations my way to inflict internal pain
Life and death matters, this ain't no game
It's mind over matter, the power of my brain
He thinks I'll give in if my muscles start to strain
He believes I'll submit to the evil of society's frame
And benefit from notoriety's gain
He says I don't have to properly train
and that he'll give me all the fame
and everyone will know my name
But I think he's insane
'Cause I know the truth- to gain is to give
To have pain is to live
So I call on my heavenly Father's name
And slowly watch the thunder and rain subside
I'm finally able to push the temptations aside
I went blow for blow, I went face to face
Now the devil knows, I'm able to escape
Not by a back door or an alternate route
I saw the middle high ground and I ran right through
July 15, 2004
No bandage can cover my scars
It's hard living a life behind invisible bars
Searching for the face of God
I'm only inspired by the poems of Nas
Because the truth has carved my life's patterns
The reality of pain, and the joy of laughter
My hopes and dreams shattered
by the miscalculation of my own situation
It's difficult to keep my nerves patient
Facing the forecast of fears
that none of my peers have ever been faced with
I wanna reach the top floor, but I'm stuck in the basement
With not enough juice to burst through
the chains that have shackled my brain
It seems my dreams have carried me to a separate peace
apart from reality
Society is allowing me to grow into the man I'm destined to become
But how can I move when my entire skeleton is numb?
Numb from the obstacles that I've been given
Suddenly the bars connect to walls
and I find myself contained inside life's prison
September 5, 2004
My life story is read in poetic stages
I was once weak-minded, now I'm courageous
The cause and effect of a thousand actions
The mathematical breakdown of micro-fractions
It's difficult to fathom the coming of the rapture
What if I awoke in an empty pasture?
Suddenly every ounce of passion had been depleted
And all my determination had been defeated
The rain pours, my tears fall
The pain subsides, I stand in awe
A lightning bolt strikes, I feel a sudden energy
Thunder clouds approach, I can't run from destiny
A tornado tears me down, but I will stand again
My life is a hurricane, but I'll weather it to the end
October 2, 2004
Ten minutes pass without a notice
Nine times in my life I've felt hopeless
Eight friends I've lost on purpose
Seven broken bones my skeleton felt were worthless
Six days of work, but only one day of worship
Five ways I feel pain, but that's only on the surface
Four corners of the earth, all touched by God's churches
Three sisters have influenced my poetic verses
Two years that I completely lost focus
One brother for which I wrote this
Ten minutes pass without a notice
November 10, 2004
I can't see what my future has in store
but I move forth with the strength of a condor
The courage of a warrior
The commitment of an American soldier
Despite this weight on my shoulder
my inner forces circulate to form
a nucleus of an unbreakable bond
These words describe the soundtrack to my life's song
My mind and body united like the Colors of Benneton
My destiny isn't told by the creases of my palm
A sharp thorn once cut my soul
The blood flowed
But no bandage would cover the wound
I couldn't help but stare at the distant moon
Waiting for a resolution to come at an instant soon
I asked the Lord, "What am I to do?"
He said, "Son, I made the sky blue
The rain falls because of me
Leaves change colors on a fall tree
I was the inspiration to Martin Luther King
I'm the reason Ray Charles could sing
I've changed others through and through
And my son, I'll do the same to you"
i just wanted to post some of my favorite quotes by some of my favorite people.
i am able to look at these when i am unsure or feeling down & for some reason they give me hope.
"But I have not given up hope. I heard Barack Obama talk about hope the other day and it reminded me of how important that word is. Isn’t hope the reason that we get up every morning, the reason we work hard, the reason we laugh, and the reason we cry? Aren’t we all working and hoping for something more? For something greater? I know I am. It’s why no matter what happens in my basketball career, I refuse to give up hope. And I refuse to be defined as simply a basketball player."
" I won't let others decide if I am successful or not. I determine it by my team's success. You have to determine your own success. You can't allow people to tell you."
One thing that I make it a point of is, after everything's said and done, you know, with my career, I can take all the criticism and everything else, but I don't want anybody to ever say I didn't give it the effort and I didn't work hard enough. That's something that I'm pretty sure nobody can say.
Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back.
"It takes courage not only to make decisions, but to live with those decisions afterward."
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can
Every second brings a fresh beginning
Every hour holds a new promise
Every night our dreams can bring hope
& every day is what you choose to make it
- Location:my room
- Music:Bang Bang - Life of Riley